My dear daughter, the coolness of my eyes.
This is a long overdue letter for you. Today marks your 40th day born into this world. It also means that you’ve been with me for 40 days.
Alhamdulillah, you are such an easy baby to take care of. You sleep through night until i become worry that you’ll get dehydrated. But now, i am happy that you sleep well, so i can get my beauty sleep too.
I’ve always worried that you decide to pop out before week 36, just like abang Umar, Hamzah and Kakak Sawda.Surges started coming since week 35. And there was a few times that i thought i was going to give birth to you. Prepared all the stuffed and Abah had to stay home most of the time, but Allah swt grant our prayer to keep you as long as you want to be.
You know we have been planning for a homebirth, right? It was all Abah’s idea in the first place. Mak and Abah were watching this movie. JLo was the heroin. There was a homebirth scene in the movie and i guess, that was how Abah got the idea. And I, i was reluctant at first but then i found a wonderful group in mommies in facebook and the rest is history.
I read, studied and do lots of ‘research’ to support my decision. I tried to let go all fears and equipped myself with information and knowledge. I make doa a lot too, praying that Allah swt will make it easy for all of us. I went to check up religiously and made sure i eat properly to keep us fit and healthy. To be honest, i worked hard to make it happen.
I have prepared a birth plan and gave it to Dr Hanisah to see if she agrees to the plan. Unfortunately, she said there are some that she couldn’t not agree with. I also rented the birth pool from Aunty Maria just in case i would want to have a waterbirth although the dream birth i’ve been visualizing all these while was a night time dry birth. An easy plassi birth a few minutes after that, then Abah would clean up the birth scene. Mak and you will go to sleep. When abang Umar, abang Hamzah and Kakak Sawda wake up the next day, they will be surprise seeing you, Zaynab.
So we passed week 36 and we managed to attend Along’s engagement. Alhamdulillah.
And another week passed by with few nights with intense surges and it was gone the next day. Phew!
And finally week 38 came. I’ve been wanting to join the AMANI CBE & Doula Training in KL. However, i am worried if i couldn’t make it. The surges came and go, just like the previous weeks. The night before the training, i was 50-50. Nenek Siti wasn’t feeling well, so i felt bad to ask her to take care of abang and kakak. But Abah said, he had already make an appointment with his friend that night, so we need to go to KL anyhow. So off we went.
Mak and Abah stayed at Aunty Fathin’s house that night. I had surges, and intense surges till i forced myself to have warm bath at 4 am in the morning.
The next day, when i met Aa’la, Aunty Fathin’s newborn baby, i got oxytoxin intoxicated. Oxytocin will actually help birth to progress. Well, that was exactly what happened to me that morning. The journey from Shah Alam to TTDI was the longest journey i’ve ever had. I had this ‘nak terberak’ urge all the way. I know, it was a progress. Every progress means i will be able to meet you soon.
Finally we reached Masjid Al-Ghufran. There, i met Eidriss and Pelangi. So i got more intoxicated. And more surges came. But i managed to keep calm. As the mantra that i shared on my Facebook wall, Keep calm and Birth On.
The first half of the training went OK. During the 2nd half, we had workshop where we need to do a few exercise so that we got it right. One of the exercised were squatting and boy, i felt good after that. Then, i felt something gushing out from my body and i knew i need to check what was that.
So i went to the toilet on level 2 and checked. It was blood show. I gave birth to Abang Umar a day after the blood show. Abang Hamzah and Kakak Sawda a few hours after that. I knew by then, Insya Allah i will give birth soon.
I was supposed to stay at Aunty Kamariah’s house in Bangi that night. I was excited because Aunty Shida and Aunty Nadrah will be there too. But, when i saw the blood show, i had to decline the offer.
Meanwhile, Abah was supposed to go back to Melaka so he could take care of abang and kakak because Nenek Siti wasn’t feeling well. All the plans had to be cancelled since we wouldn’t know what will happen in next few hours.
I called Abah and told him about the blood show. In my head, i only have a few options. To go back to Melaka and give birth at home or to stay in KL. If i did not give birth that night, i will still be able to continue the training tomorrow. If you decided to pop out that night, insya Allah, there are plenty of doula in training around to help. Even Aunty Aisha will be around to help me. Abah chose the latter option. Plus i have already brought all the basic stuff along. 🙂
The 1st day training ended at 5-ish. I stayed to chit chat with the aunties until 6. Then Aunty Fathin, Rayyan, Jannah and I went to my room while waiting for someone to fetch Aunty Fathin and Abah to arrive.
To be continued.